A Glimpse Inside

Anyone who knows my family realizes that I'm the mouthpiece.  My wonderful husband doesn't talk near as much or as often as I do...but then he really doesn't have to since I pretty much never shut up.

Through our 19 1/2 years of marriage, we've had our communication fiascos.  Me, desperately trying to force him to open up and tell me what's going on inside that handsome head of his, and Him trying to figure out what to say that won't result in yet another outburst from me.  I need to hear my emotions to work through them, and he needs to work through them before they're voiced.  It can lead to some dicey situations.

I'm reaching the point where I recognize that he needs time to process the outpouring of emotions I've just spewed.  If he doesn't respond immediately, it doesn't mean he doesn't care or wasn't listening.

This morning, I told him I thought it was strange that I hadn't really experienced any anger yet, and I asked if he was at all angry about my health situation.  I'm sharing his response in this blog, because I think people need to see the real back-and-forth that goes on when faced with this kind of yuckiness in your life. I also want folks to know how incredibly blessed I am to be married to this man.

Well, you asked me this morning if I was angry and I can't really say that I have felt anger.  I know it bothers you that I don't show my emotions, so I will try to tell you where I am and what I am feeling.  You may want to have some kleenex handy.

 

I think I am feeling sadness more than anything, mostly thinking about all the possible negative outcomes.  What if this is our last (fill in the blank) together?  What if you never get to see the kids graduate from college, see them get married, meet your grandchildren?   How will I ever be able to do all those things without you?  What if I never get the chance to take you to Paris?  I've never thought of the possiblity of growing old without you...and I really don't want to start thinking about it, so I would rather dwell on the positive things like the times we can spend together now.  That's why I keep saying we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. 

 

I know God has all of this covered, no matter the outcome.  His grace is sufficient and I will be by your side no matter what!

 

I love you so much!