Waking Up in the Dark and Thought Captivity

Lately I've been waking up before the sun.  This is not planned, there just seems to be some switch in my brain that flicks on and I can't for the life of me figure out how to turn it back off.  During this time, the house is quiet except for the puppies playing, and there's a lot of time to think.

I work as the administrator at our church, and I'm usually the only one in the building.  That gives me a lot of time to think, too.  Thinking is not inherently bad.  In fact, there are a lot of folks I would like to introduce to the concept.  However, when you've gotten some "bad news" long periods of uninterrupted thinking can be dangerous.

A couple of weeks ago we studied the portion of 2 Corinthians where Paul talks about "taking every thought captive for Christ."  I'm not going to mention the reference, because it would be best to just read the whole book rather than take it out of context.  These days I'm really having to put some effort into that captivity.  It looks something like this:

"What if I don't get to attend my kids' weddings?"  (start waterworks here)
"Listen lady...you are more than a conqueror.  You are going to beat this!"  (this is my "pull-yourself-up-by the-bootstraps-you-self-sufficient-American" mentality)
"But what if its advanced?  Theres only a 23% 5-year survival rate." (more waterworks)
"There are so many new treatments, and you have great doctors."  (the "put your faith in man" mentality)
"But I waited so long to go to the doctor." (hitting forehead with hand)
"You should be praying.  God wants you to pray...and read Scripture." (the "do the right thing guilt manipulation")
"I know.  No wonder I'm sick. I suck as a Believer." (the "God can be manipulated" thought)
"You know that's not true.  Jesus died for you.  You are not being punished.  Jesus took your punishment."  (wake-up call)
"I know, I know.  I just don't want to miss out on my kids' lives."  (a few more waterworks)
"You are SO blessed with children who know Jesus.  You have eternity to spend with them.  Worst case scenario, you leave this portion of your life and pick up in the next...with no sickness, no death, no tears.  And Jesus will take care of your children just like he always has."  (truth is found)
"I know.  God is good."  (door is closed)
"All the time."  (key is turned)

The waterworks continue for a while, mind you.  They're free-flowing even as I type it.  But if I stop at any point in that thought process, I miss the truth.  This happens over and over again all though the day.  Thought captivity is work, but it is so worth it.